I'm going to add something that collectingbees posted for me over on lj, because she's right.
people are generally hurt over this, and saying that they or some might be "over-reacting" isn't helpful, and doesn't make people feel like they can approach you as a mod
I almost have to play two different roles on the board. Before Abaissé was anything like the community it was today, I barely had to think about modding except for the part where I cleaned out the spam registrations. Now there's 250+ people and lots of topics and posts to read, and suddenly being a mod has to outweigh being a contributing member of fandom -- and I have very little fandom interaction outside of here. When I post on discussion threads, and get involved in discussion threads, I don't do so as a mod. I do so as a 'regular' fan. So when I say that it seems to me there's some overreaction, it's me speaking from a personal perspective. I don't have the other point of view ready at hand to examine as easily as my own.
Regardless of whether I think you're overreacting or getting overemotional, I do my utmost to put aside all personal feelings when it comes to modding/admining. Because the thing is-- we all love LM here, and we all are insanely attached to some part of this fandom, the novel or its derivatives. Thus we all tend towards overreaction sometimes? Whether protesting too much, defending too strongly, getting too hot in a debate... it happens. I will always think it's a good idea to step back and look at what you're saying, and yeah, sometimes that gets forgotten and no one's immune to it. But even if I DO think you're overreacting, it helps me a lot if you can explain your position, especially if you can do so without insulting me or making offensive assumptions about me/my opinions in the process. (I'm not saying that anyone has done so, but being condescending or rude about your opinions has a way of making me not want to listen at all.) To take the autism thread up again, just for a specific example: if you really think I'm being insensitive for not wanting people to make Enjolras=autistic a valid CANONICAL approach, tell me why. Constructive and rational discourse is always useful. Bashing on me because I'm so insensitive and can't possibly understand how wrong I was, without actually expanding on what/why, will merely make me think you're overreacting because there's nothing to back you up. It's easier for me to understand your point of view without assuming overreaction if you can back up your point of view, rather than just attacking mine for being different from yours.
If I'm wrong, point it out nicely. It's possible; it's been done. If you don't like my opinion, go ahead and say so without being condescending or derogatory or attacking. Bashing and flaming and bursts of anger by themselves will just lead me to the conclusion that it's an overreaction. I can't help that.
However. Speaking as a mod, if things have got you so riled up in general about attitudes, that you finally see one more thing and snap -- please god speak up. I don't always see anything wrong with the tone of posts; I also sometimes see unpleasant tones in posts that didn't intend them. So goes the internet without verbal/visual cues.
Even if you have said something that has upset or infuriated me, even if I think you are wrong about everything you have ever said (exaggeration!), I will still push all those emotions and personal feelings aside as a mod. It might not be RIGHT AWAY, but I'll listen.
And I feel bad that there has been some PMs sent my way that I have not been able to respond to, but I have read and appreciated them all the same.
And what Frédérique has said about being too afraid to speak up for fear of being accused of ignorance? too afraid to post nerdy stuff for fear of being accused of elitism? This is the thing I most want to avoid, and honestly it looks like I just don't know how, because anything I try to do or say or change doesn't result in any palpable difference. I mean, even if I try to approach things from different angles, try to continue keeping my mind as open and flexible as possible, I cannot change other people's attitudes. I can attempt to influence them by changing or adjusting my own, but I dunno, I feel kind of helpless to change anything. God, I sound so very inarticulate, and I hate it. I've been thinking about this stuff practically non stop, and it still doesn't seem to come out very well.