Since my friend and I can never pronounce Gueulemer we tend to call him "Gooey"
Javert gets frequently shortened to "Javs," but that's not really funny. I think we also contemplated calling him Javier at some point.
"There is, we are aware, a philosophy that denies the infinite. There is also a philosophy, classified as pathologic, that denies the sun; this philosophy is called blindness."