Love and Hugs - The Support Thread

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Aurelia Combeferre
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Re: Love and Hugs - The Support Thread

Postby Aurelia Combeferre » Tue Jul 09, 2013 4:53 am

IBelieveInYou wrote:I know this is stupid and whiny but I just returned from my graduation and i need some hugs not because i feel touched or nostalgic or because i'll miss school, but because for once again i realized how desperately i hate all the people with hom i have spent the last twelve years of my lfe and i can't be more relieved for finally getting out of there. Please tell me that's normal and i'm not just a horrible person.


That's normal, Liv. My friends and I called grad our 'good riddance' time , then we all went to uni and became awesome.
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Re: Love and Hugs - The Support Thread

Postby IBelieveInYou » Tue Jul 09, 2013 9:27 am

Oh thank you everybody for making me feel normal! I just realized that i have to go again to get some papers and i almost burst into tears for having to see everyone else again...
And Relly goor riddance time sums it all up pretty well :lol:
Then I saw their trembling features warp and, gradually,
Their foreheads turn pale and dissolve in front of me,
And everyone, like a stream that flows into a sea,
Became completely lost in a dark immensity.

Victor Hugo, The Slope of Reverie

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Re: Love and Hugs - The Support Thread

Postby TheRandomPhangirl » Tue Jul 09, 2013 12:54 pm

*smishes Liv*
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Re: Love and Hugs - The Support Thread

Postby Dr Craven » Wed Jul 10, 2013 4:50 am

How lovely that a thread like this exists. It's weighing heavily on my mind and you guys are all great so I don't see any reason not to share. Well, my girlfriend was raped not that long ago. Not once, but four times over a period of two weeks. The rapist was someone she trusted - I never trusted him, and because of that I have a horrible feeling that if I'd said or done something I could have changed the way things turned out, I could have stopped it before it happened. Anyway, I'm currently in a position where I'm not to tell anyone, as she asked me not to. But I don't know you guys personally so I figure this is fine, and I really needed to get it out somewhere or somehow. This is the first I've said of it to anyone... I know it's probably pretty selfish of me - what I'm going through is probably nothing compared to what she is, but I still feel pretty much worthless and sick with guilt. I'm 17, and about as unprepared to deal with something like this as I could possibly be. Her and I can't even help each other at the moment, as she's away for most of these holidays. So yeah, good fun. :|

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Re: Love and Hugs - The Support Thread

Postby Morgan » Wed Jul 10, 2013 5:09 am

*lots of hugs*

It's not selfish to have feelings. And it's not selfish to talk to us about them, either - it's not detracting from your girlfriend's pain for you to also feel bad, and if talking about it here helps you, you'll be in a better position to help her.

(Dropping a link here that might be useful in general: http://articles.latimes.com/2013/apr/07 ... y-20130407 - your girlfriend's the centre, you're the next ring out, and we're the outer circle: you can dump on us as much as you want, that's what the support thread is here for. We're not personally involved, so your feelings are the important bit, and it's not selfish to talk about them here.)

It probably doesn't help much to say, but try not to beat yourself up too much. It's not your fault, it's his fault. Chances are, nothing you could have said would have changed things - and dwelling too hard on what-ifs won't make it not have happened.

I don't know if any of that is any help to you, but anyway. Hugs.
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Re: Love and Hugs - The Support Thread

Postby Aurelia Combeferre » Wed Jul 10, 2013 10:58 am

Dr Craven wrote:How lovely that a thread like this exists. It's weighing heavily on my mind and you guys are all great so I don't see any reason not to share. Well, my girlfriend was raped not that long ago. Not once, but four times over a period of two weeks. The rapist was someone she trusted - I never trusted him, and because of that I have a horrible feeling that if I'd said or done something I could have changed the way things turned out, I could have stopped it before it happened. Anyway, I'm currently in a position where I'm not to tell anyone, as she asked me not to. But I don't know you guys personally so I figure this is fine, and I really needed to get it out somewhere or somehow. This is the first I've said of it to anyone... I know it's probably pretty selfish of me - what I'm going through is probably nothing compared to what she is, but I still feel pretty much worthless and sick with guilt. I'm 17, and about as unprepared to deal with something like this as I could possibly be. Her and I can't even help each other at the moment, as she's away for most of these holidays. So yeah, good fun. :|


So sorry to hear this, my friend.

As Morgan said, it's not your fault. Things always look different or harsher in hindsight. I just hope that you can heal in your own way, that she can heal too and that you guys can get through this.
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Re: Love and Hugs - The Support Thread

Postby TheRandomPhangirl » Wed Jul 10, 2013 9:30 pm

Gah I feel so awful for butting in and spilling yet more of my petty problems.
So, recently we (mum and I) went to a mental health therapist at the recommendation of our doctor because I had cycles of feeling completely down in the dumps, then being fine, then being down again. Turns out I have depression. Fan-tucking-fastic. I don't actually know whether I'm annoyed at myself, upset, or plain overreacting, but I'm fourteen years old and I have a bloody mental health problem. People at school already think I'm a weirdo, but if they find out about this...I don't even want to know.
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Re: Love and Hugs - The Support Thread

Postby Rachel » Wed Jul 10, 2013 9:52 pm

TheRandomPhangirl wrote:Gah I feel so awful for butting in and spilling yet more of my petty problems.
So, recently we (mum and I) went to a mental health therapist at the recommendation of our doctor because I had cycles of feeling completely down in the dumps, then being fine, then being down again. Turns out I have depression. Fan-tucking-fastic. I don't actually know whether I'm annoyed at myself, upset, or plain overreacting, but I'm fourteen years old and I have a bloody mental health problem. People at school already think I'm a weirdo, but if they find out about this...I don't even want to know.


Hey, Phan, it's not petty. It's very upsetting to find out or suspect that you have depression or any sort of mental illness. But the thing about mental illness is that it's possible to work through. It's possible to recover from depression. And hopefully now you can get the help you need.

I'm really sorry to drag myself into this, but I've had depression and have social anxiety. I'm fourteen as well, and I got terribly depressed when I was twelve. It's never easy to recover, and sometimes I still just break down and just can't function, but it happens less and less often and even when it does, I know I have a solid network of people I can depend on.

Depression is never easy to deal with, nor will it ever go away completely, but it will get better. Just hang on, Phan. And you don't have to tell anybody you don't want to.
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Re: Love and Hugs - The Support Thread

Postby TheRandomPhangirl » Wed Jul 10, 2013 10:01 pm

*hugs* Thanks R, it means alot for you to be so nice about it. I think above all I'm scared; I've got this on top of obsessive tendencies and a possibility of being on the spectrum and I'm just reeling right now. :(
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Re: Love and Hugs - The Support Thread

Postby Aurelia Combeferre » Wed Jul 10, 2013 10:03 pm

Phan, just because a physician suspects a diagnosis or hands you one, that doesn't mean you have been diminished. You are getting help or seeking consult not because there's something pathological but because you want to get better. Everyone has the right to get better, without being looked down on for it.

Hugs to you.
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Re: Love and Hugs - The Support Thread

Postby Rachel » Wed Jul 10, 2013 10:12 pm

It's also very overwhelming to actually get diagnosed, but you have to realize this: the fancy diagnosis that you just got doesn't make today you any different from yesterday you. You are still the same funny, awesome, good person with awesome taste in theatre. Nothing about you has changed with this diagnosis.
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Re: Love and Hugs - The Support Thread

Postby Dr Craven » Thu Jul 11, 2013 12:48 am

TheRandomPhangirl wrote:Gah I feel so awful for butting in and spilling yet more of my petty problems.
So, recently we (mum and I) went to a mental health therapist at the recommendation of our doctor because I had cycles of feeling completely down in the dumps, then being fine, then being down again. Turns out I have depression. Fan-tucking-fastic. I don't actually know whether I'm annoyed at myself, upset, or plain overreacting, but I'm fourteen years old and I have a bloody mental health problem. People at school already think I'm a weirdo, but if they find out about this...I don't even want to know.


Well, if it's important to you, then it's by no means petty (:
Don't be annoyed at yourself, it's not as though you had any choice in having depression. People at school are judgmental pricks if they'd react negatively to that, but I guess there's not that much you can do about them, in which case I hope they don't find out :/ You should seek some sort of professional help if you aren't going to already, depression's a horrible thing and you shouldn't have to face it on your own. We're always here to support you too :D

And everyone else said it better than I could about diagnosis - you're no different than you were, the only difference is that you have knowledge which better equips you to overcome these things.

TheRandomPhangirl wrote:Fan-tucking-fastic.


That made me chuckle... lel

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Re: Love and Hugs - The Support Thread

Postby Inspector » Thu Jul 11, 2013 4:09 am

TheRandomPhangirl wrote:Gah I feel so awful for butting in and spilling yet more of my petty problems.
So, recently we (mum and I) went to a mental health therapist at the recommendation of our doctor because I had cycles of feeling completely down in the dumps, then being fine, then being down again. Turns out I have depression. Fan-tucking-fastic. I don't actually know whether I'm annoyed at myself, upset, or plain overreacting, but I'm fourteen years old and I have a bloody mental health problem. People at school already think I'm a weirdo, but if they find out about this...I don't even want to know.


Sorry to hear that you're upset about this, Phan. I've only ever been diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome, when I was just a child, and social anxiety, about a year and a half ago, but I also suspect that I have depression, OCD, and a colorful array of other mental disorders. Might just be my hypochondira talking, but still. I've had some close calls due to my 'depression' - I can't believe I even made it out alive. But I am now, and I've had some re-awakenings that have helped to put me on solid ground. It's a very hard thing to deal with, but I have faith that you'll be strong enough to get through it all. I mean, come on - I'm pathetic, but I still survived the antics of my own mind. Don't worry about others finding out, either; how would they, unless you tell them? Maybe they might suspect it, if you're a grumpy person all the time (like me), but first of all, depression as actually quite common, and second, I doubt anybody would make a big deal about it. Remember, if this gets to you, we're always here to support you, but I hope you never need to.


In other unhappy news, one kid from my school (who happens to be a father) and another girl, whom I never met (I have no clue how old she was, what school she went to...I think some people from my school knew her from the career center, a local votech) got into an awful car accident earlier this evening - so bad, actually, that the girl was killed, and that the guy was life-flighted (I think?) down to Pittsburgh with some sort of head trauma or brain damage. They were apparently on their way to/from a tattoo place when a large pickup truck t-boned them, presumably on the passenger side, where the girl was sitting. Like I said, I never knew the girl, and I've only briefly communicated with the guy, but still. That's the second serious accident we, as a community, have had just this week, and the second death of a young person we've had in the past year. Another bad car accident happened during the last couple weeks of school, too. It's weird to think about a person, who's around your age, just...dying. Being gone completely, with no coming back. That could happen to yourself, or a friend, or a family member. Some sudden, random, accidental thing that can take a life away, when minutes before, they were alive and unsuspecting. This had got me all rattled up, especially since I had a freaky dream about my own death last night, which I can't get off of my mind. It's just death in general that I can never seem to understand.

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Re: Love and Hugs - The Support Thread

Postby Rachel » Thu Jul 11, 2013 4:21 am

You're not pathetic, Speckles.

And nobody can wrap their head around death. It's impossible. It's just something we can't understand, and we tell ourselves things so that we can keep the dread at bay. Like, that it's all God's plan or whatever. There's no guarantee that any of us will see tomorrow. Which is why we have to do what we can with here and now. Woo. I should be a motivational speaker (not really).
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Re: Love and Hugs - The Support Thread

Postby Inspector » Thu Jul 11, 2013 5:32 am

Thanks, Rachel.

But I'm even more concerned about the other end of death. What she, the girl who died, is experiencing. I mean...what happens? Does she realize that the rest of her life, the life she would've had, is suddenly gone? Does she realize anything at all? In my dream, I kept on living out my life as I would have, even though I was in Heaven, and that I knew that I was dead. I really hope that happens to her. I hope...she can just wake up like it's all normal, knowing that she's not really alive anymore, but still going on as if she was. I hope she doesn't have to deal with the loss of everyone she knows. I always think about that - we, on Earth, have lost a single person, but that person's soul has lost everything. Their life. What does she do now? Is she going to protect her friends and family? Can she see them at all? It hurts my brain and my heart to think about it. These are things I pondered over a lot in my darkest times, wondering what would've happened to me. But what happens for her, now that she actually has been killed by something or another? In this case, a car accident. How did she go on? Was it just a split second between riding peacefully in life and riding peacefully in death? Would she even realize what had happened to herself, experience the crash for even a moment? What if her soul just transferred worlds so smoothly that it seemed as if nothing had happened at all? Would she live out her life, but instead, not even realize she was actually dead? There are so many things I want to know, but I can't. And I know I should just accept it, because God works in mysterious ways, and there's nothing I can do about it. But my mind will never rest, not even when I die. When that does happen, will I be able to look down and see everybody I knew, and observe their reactions? Will I be able to walk right alongside them, like a ghost? I just can't get over it...death. But I suppose some things are just too great for the living human mind to comprehend.


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