Love and Hugs - The Support Thread

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Rachel
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Re: Love and Hugs - The Support Thread

Postby Rachel » Mon Jun 24, 2013 3:09 am

Pardon my language, but Ari, all of them can just go fuck themselves. You did nothing wrong and them calling you a whore says more about them than you. Mainly, their hypocrisy (because I'm sure all of them are so goddamn virginal) and their judgemental asshole-ness. They don't deserve your worry, Ari. Try not to let them bother you.

Remember how I mentioned that my grandmother is dying? She wants to buy me candlesticks for when I get married and she wants to send me to New York for a couple of days to see all of the Broadway shows I want. This is really it and we all know it. Oh my God.

I'm crying a little bit now. This is just really hard.
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Re: Love and Hugs - The Support Thread

Postby Gervais » Mon Jun 24, 2013 3:15 am

Rachel, I'm sorry to hear that. :( *hugs* I don't know what else to say to that, I'm sorry. *more hugs*
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Aurelia Combeferre
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Re: Love and Hugs - The Support Thread

Postby Aurelia Combeferre » Mon Jun 24, 2013 3:17 am

Ari, I'm so sorry that happened. Those people who'v been judging you clearly have little to no compassion. You're a brave soul. This incident doesn't define who you are. Lots of hugs and support to you, and if you need to talk, we're all just here.

Many hugs to you too, Rachel. Again if you just need to talk, we're here.
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Re: Love and Hugs - The Support Thread

Postby LibertySparks » Mon Jun 24, 2013 5:30 am

Ari- I'm so sorry about that. :( Those people have no right to be bullying you, those are not people who anyone would want to be friends with. Seconding the suggestion to find an anti-bullying organization.

Rachel- hugs and support for you and your family during this time m :(
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Re: Love and Hugs - The Support Thread

Postby The Bricklayer » Mon Jun 24, 2013 2:37 pm

Ari-There are a lot of things in the world that we cannot escape, but that doesn't mean we have to let them bother us. Preconceived notions based on habitation, race, sexuality, etc. are things best to be ignored if possible. I know what you are going through is extremely difficult, but remember that you always have us as friends. If they say that you "didn't give your virginity up for love," ask them how many of them love their family enough to help them survive in any way possible even if that means facing ridicule from peers. A bully is only as tough as his/her victim is weak. You, Ari, are strong, and giving them thought only gives them fuel. Don't show them that it bothers you, and please do see someone about it. One action/choice does not define a person, especially if one only judges by part of the situation and not the whole. If you need us, we're here for you.

God, I sound like a counselor.And if they're still doing it and I'm in NJ, just give me a ring, and I'll be there (maybe with my foil...)


Rachel- I second LIberty. Hugs and support for you as well.
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Re: Love and Hugs - The Support Thread

Postby AriadneIS » Wed Jun 26, 2013 12:24 am

Rachel, I'm so sorry - I wish I knew how to make it better :( . But I'm just as willing to talk or listen, like all of you are for me.

On that note, I am grounded for fighting with them. I sort of miss the way my parents were too busy to notice me much... I'm okay, I just can't be on the computer and am technically breaking rules right now. But I wanted to thank all of you again, so much, for listening and advice and everything you've done.

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Re: Love and Hugs - The Support Thread

Postby freedomlover » Wed Jun 26, 2013 12:27 am

I'm not a fighter, but you were sticking up for yourself. I do not see why they grounded you--- those kids were treating you so wrongly.
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Re: Love and Hugs - The Support Thread

Postby YoungStudentMarius » Wed Jun 26, 2013 12:31 am

Oh, Ari...not again. I'm so, so sorry, in fact, that doesn't even begin to express how much I feel for you right now, and you know it. Just know that no matter what they say, no matter how wrong it is, because it is wrong, you are always, always valuable and special, and there's nothing they can ever do to take that away. *hugs*

Ahh, I just can't stand it. :evil: I want someone to teach those kids a lesson. And I hope, soon, you'll find someone who will understand. There's no way you should be grounded for that.

And Rachel, I'm very sorry to hear that. It's never easy to go through a loss. *hugs* We're here.
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Re: Love and Hugs - The Support Thread

Postby freedomlover » Wed Jun 26, 2013 12:32 am

YoungStudentMarius wrote:Oh, Ari...not again. I'm so, so sorry, in fact, that doesn't even begin to express how much I feel for you right now, and you know it. Just know that no matter what they say, no matter how wrong it is, because it is wrong, you are always, always valuable and special, and there's nothing they can ever do to take that away. *hugs*

Ahh, I just can't stand it. :evil: I want someone to teach those kids a lesson. And I hope, soon, you'll find someone who will understand. There's no way you should be grounded for that.

And Rachel, I'm very sorry to hear that. It's never easy to go through a loss. *hugs* We're here.



So do I Marius! :evil: I can't stand to see Ari treated this way :(
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Re: Love and Hugs - The Support Thread

Postby MamzelleCombeferre » Wed Jun 26, 2013 2:26 am

Ari, Ari, Ari, oh Ari. It breaks my heart that these people feel like they need to call you that and do what they're doing. That is so wrong of them because you are NOT a whore, you are NOT a ghetto problem child, and you most certainly are NOT worthless or somehow inferior to anyone because of what you had to do for Nessa. What you ARE is lovely, intelligent, beautiful, funny, and able to do anything you dang want because you have the drive and the intelligence to do so! Someday the people who called you that in high school are going to see you again and they'll be jealous of all the things you've accomplished.
And I know everyone else has already said it, but you are so loved and so appreciated on here! You've always had my friendship, but now I'm reminding you that you do! <3

Rachel, I am so sorry for your loss. <3 I'm always here if you want to talk about it.
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Re: Love and Hugs - The Support Thread

Postby Rachel » Fri Jun 28, 2013 5:44 am

So, my friend is very very timid and scared and insecure and shows a ton of red flags of some sort of emotional abuse. And we (meaning two of my friends and I) don't even know who she is anymore. The girl we all knew from last year and the year before has all but disappeared in this shell of girl who apologizes for everything and hates herself with a passion. And we're scared. We've let it go on for a year and just hoped that we could be supportive until she told us and that she would get better, but it looks like it might even be getting worse. And tonight we sat outside my house for an hour or so, and decided that we couldn't let this go on anymore and that we had to do something. So we told my friend Jamie's mom and Jamie's therapist. I don't know if what we did was wrong and a betrayal of her trust, but I honestly don't know how this will get better otherwise. I still have guilt pooling in my stomach, and I feel like we might just make things worse.

This is the email we sent to Jamie's therapist, with the names changed for the privacy of those involved:

Hey Megan, I miss you so much and hope you are having a great summer. So, Jennifer, Rachel, and I were talking today, and we're really worried about Lizzie. Before, I thought she was going through the same thing as me but we realized today it seems a lot more serious. Jennifer has a dog who was abused and whenever they used to reach out to pet him, he'd flinch like he expected to be hit. Lizzie acts in a similar manner. She looks like she expects for people to tear down everything she says and/or does.

Today, when we went out for ice-cream with her, she seemed veeeeeeeeeeery distant. She was literally silent. We tried to include her but she pulled back and said she wanted to walk home alone when we offered to walk her home. This isn't the first time we've noticed this. It's been getting worse all year.

At the beginning of the year, we were at her house baking something for a project. While it was in the oven, we went downstairs to work on something, thinking that her dad was watching what we were baking. Something burned and the fire alarm went off. Lizzie went to check on it and her parents were yelling at her a lot and telling her not to give them "that look" i.e the hurt puppy look. She came back downstairs in tears and when we asked her what was wrong, she insisted that everything was fine.

Lizzie is also veeeeeeeery insecure. She is convinced that everyone hates her and thinks she's ugly. She thinks that she's hideous and that nobody likes her. (For the record, she's gorgeous.) She says sorry for everything, even for standing next to you. It's like she's sorry for existing. I know that I sort of went through this I'm sorry faze, but this is like she actually hates herself and everything she does. It's really getting scary. We think she's gonna do something stupid or harmful.

Sometimes Lizzie hints about problems at home. We only realized today that we don't really know anything about her home life. We are worried that we don't really know her much at all.
We are just worried, and we don't know what to do about it. Apparently, before I came to the school, a question was asked whether or not we would lose a friend to save them, and I think that we have to make that choice. Do you know what you think we should do?

Thank you so much for listening. Have an amazing summer and I hope to hear from you soon.
- Jamie, Jennifer and Rachel
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Aurelia Combeferre
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Re: Love and Hugs - The Support Thread

Postby Aurelia Combeferre » Fri Jun 28, 2013 2:05 pm

Hope it works well Rachel. Only time will tell if that was the best option but you were acting in the best interest of your friend. It may not be easy to appreciate at first but I hope your friend will see that soon enough.

Actually my med school friends and I had to do something similar for a classmate who was getting into a slump. While she was shocked at first in the end her mom reminded her that she had at least six people who were willing to turn a city upside down for her sake. She eventually pulled through. I hope your friend will too.
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Re: Love and Hugs - The Support Thread

Postby Gervais » Fri Jun 28, 2013 5:54 pm

Yeah, she may not like it so much at first. But she will hopefully react in a way close to a friend of mine did when we had to do a similar thing because she had been abused by her boyfriend; she hated that we told someone at first, but didn't hate us, and our telling did end up helping her a whole lot and after a few weeks she didn't mind so much that we had told. I hope this all works out, for all of you.
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Re: Love and Hugs - The Support Thread

Postby MamzelleCombeferre » Fri Jun 28, 2013 11:32 pm

Rachel, I think this is probably the best thing you could have done at this point, but only time will tell whether it will really help or not. I think you and your friends are really brave for going to adult when you realized that waiting on your own wasn't having the desired effect. Lizzie is very lucky to have such loyal, brave, and attentive friends as you guys. Hopefully she'll still feel that way afterwards. *smish*
Last edited by MamzelleCombeferre on Sat Jun 29, 2013 1:18 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Love and Hugs - The Support Thread

Postby AriadneIS » Fri Jun 28, 2013 11:54 pm

Rachel, I think you were brave. Incredibly brave, because you did what was right even if it might not be what she wanted. And I think she'll be better for it, too. {hugs}

And I am now free... and I wanted to tell you all (for perhaps the hundredth time, but you keep doing things that move me even more and then I have to tell you again) how much it means that you're all my friends. :oops: You're all so amazing, and all the hugs and offers to beat them up for me and reminders of friendship and...
It just always makes me want to hug you all and say how grateful I am for you.
And I'll shut up now. :oops:


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