So, my friend is very very timid and scared and insecure and shows a ton of red flags of some sort of emotional abuse. And we (meaning two of my friends and I) don't even know who she is anymore. The girl we all knew from last year and the year before has all but disappeared in this shell of girl who apologizes for everything and hates herself with a passion. And we're scared. We've let it go on for a year and just hoped that we could be supportive until she told us and that she would get better, but it looks like it might even be getting worse. And tonight we sat outside my house for an hour or so, and decided that we couldn't let this go on anymore and that we had to do something. So we told my friend Jamie's mom and Jamie's therapist. I don't know if what we did was wrong and a betrayal of her trust, but I honestly don't know how this will get better otherwise. I still have guilt pooling in my stomach, and I feel like we might just make things worse.
This is the email we sent to Jamie's therapist, with the names changed for the privacy of those involved:
Hey Megan, I miss you so much and hope you are having a great summer. So, Jennifer, Rachel, and I were talking today, and we're really worried about Lizzie. Before, I thought she was going through the same thing as me but we realized today it seems a lot more serious. Jennifer has a dog who was abused and whenever they used to reach out to pet him, he'd flinch like he expected to be hit. Lizzie acts in a similar manner. She looks like she expects for people to tear down everything she says and/or does.
Today, when we went out for ice-cream with her, she seemed veeeeeeeeeeery distant. She was literally silent. We tried to include her but she pulled back and said she wanted to walk home alone when we offered to walk her home. This isn't the first time we've noticed this. It's been getting worse all year.
At the beginning of the year, we were at her house baking something for a project. While it was in the oven, we went downstairs to work on something, thinking that her dad was watching what we were baking. Something burned and the fire alarm went off. Lizzie went to check on it and her parents were yelling at her a lot and telling her not to give them "that look" i.e the hurt puppy look. She came back downstairs in tears and when we asked her what was wrong, she insisted that everything was fine.
Lizzie is also veeeeeeeery insecure. She is convinced that everyone hates her and thinks she's ugly. She thinks that she's hideous and that nobody likes her. (For the record, she's gorgeous.) She says sorry for everything, even for standing next to you. It's like she's sorry for existing. I know that I sort of went through this I'm sorry faze, but this is like she actually hates herself and everything she does. It's really getting scary. We think she's gonna do something stupid or harmful.
Sometimes Lizzie hints about problems at home. We only realized today that we don't really know anything about her home life. We are worried that we don't really know her much at all.
We are just worried, and we don't know what to do about it. Apparently, before I came to the school, a question was asked whether or not we would lose a friend to save them, and I think that we have to make that choice. Do you know what you think we should do?
Thank you so much for listening. Have an amazing summer and I hope to hear from you soon.
- Jamie, Jennifer and Rachel
Clearly, I have fantastic
luck in the dating field.
Quotes to live by:
"This is highly illegal!" ~Inspector Javert (The Girl Nextdoor)