Vamparius

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Roses for Ophelia
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Vamparius

Postby Roses for Ophelia » Fri Dec 17, 2010 7:26 am

Someone had to. So i did. This is short for now, but i am planning something EPIC, so if it doesn't suck (bad pun) expect more. Right now, enjoy teh silleh.

Courfeyrac was sitting in his armchair, a smug look on his face, when Marius crept in before dawn, wiping his mouth and attempting not to make a sound.
“And where have we been tonight?” Courfeyrac said. Marius nearly choked on his tongue.
“No…nowhere. Just taking a walk.”
“Taking a walk at four o’clock in the morning?”
“I couldn’t sleep.”
“You don’t sleep much, do you Marius?” Courfeyrac asked, drumming his fingers on the chair’s arm. Marius opened his mouth to answer but Courfeyrac cut him off. “Actually, you do. You sleep during the day. In fact, I can’t remember seeing you before sundown.” Marius pulled his handkerchief out of his pocket and began twisting it.
“I—I don’t like the sun. I burn easily.”
“Yes, yes, I see that’s how you must maintain that lovely pale complexion.” Courfeyrac got up. Marius attempted to back away, but only succeeded in backing into the door. Courfeyrac smiled at him and ran his hand down his cheek. “You really must get out more, Marius. You have dark circles under your eyes as well.”
“I—I…” Marius only stuttered.
“And so thin and wan! You must eat more. I’ve never seen you eat, either. I know you are poor, but no one can survive with nothing to eat.”
“Are you---are you implying something, Courfeyrac?” Marius asked, weighing his options.
“Marius, my dear boy!” Courfeyrac exclaimed, “Of course not! Just commenting on your dismal appearance lately. Call it the foolish concern of a friend.” Courfeyrac turned his back and began walking towards his bedroom. Just as Marius began breathing a sigh of relief, Courfeyrac stopped. “Oh, and the fact that I know your secret.”
Marius nearly fell over.
“My secret!”
“Yes, Marius, your secret. I’ve been watching you since you came to live with me, and your behavior has been decidedly odd. I was confused at first, but after a deal of observation I began putting the pieces together. I am not above finding myself wrong, but I believe I have reasonably deduced the cause of your strange behavior, odd appearance, constant gloom and…general Marius-ness.” Marius broke down. He threw himself on his friend’s shoulder.
“All right! All right! I admit it!” The tears began flowing down his face, “I’m a vampire! An undead, blood-drinking, creature of the night! I have been for years now!” Courfeyrac said nothing for a moment. Then he smiled.
“Really,” he finally said, after the longest silence of Marius’ life, “I was going to say you’ve been keeping a mistress, but this explanation works, too.”
Rivers belong where they can ramble...

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Rose In Misery
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Re: Vamparius

Postby Rose In Misery » Fri Dec 17, 2010 9:43 am

*Dies of laughter* I love this idea! It's so silly and satirical and cute. And kudos for the bad pun. Victor would be proud.
Les Miserables-the greatest thing since stolen bread!

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Hannah
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Re: Vamparius

Postby Hannah » Fri Dec 17, 2010 11:50 am

gjsfsdf ohhh you used the phrase "general Mariusness" that's my favorite

This is amazing :'D

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thoroughly_mod_mizzy
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Re: Vamparius

Postby thoroughly_mod_mizzy » Fri Dec 17, 2010 8:00 pm

I love this. Probably more than I should. (Once you realize that you want to marry a fanfiction it's all over) But really, this had to happen.
"There is, we are aware, a philosophy that denies the infinite. There is also a philosophy, classified as pathologic, that denies the sun; this philosophy is called blindness."

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Cary
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Re: Vamparius

Postby Cary » Mon Dec 20, 2010 4:06 am

[laughs out loud] :lol: So Marius, as usual, jumped to conclusions and spilled the beans on himself, did he? Admittedly, Courfeyrac *is* one of the best persons to confess it to (the alternative would've been Jehan, but I shudder to think of where his overenthusiasm would've led them). Priceless!

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Roses for Ophelia
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Re: Vamparius

Postby Roses for Ophelia » Mon Dec 20, 2010 4:49 am

Abaisse badly needs some silly right now. Enjoy, and expect more!

Marius had his hands folded in his lap, looking down at the floor like a chastised child. Despite the fact that he was completely capable of breaking Courfeyrac’s neck and making his escape, he couldn’t bring himself to do that to his best friend. His only friend.
“So, how did it happen?” Courfeyrac asked, drumming his fingers on the arm of his chair.
“It’s a simple enough process,” Marius said, “You drink the blood of the undead, you become the undead.”
“Is the process reversible?”
“Not to my knowledge.”
“And what does this…state of being entail?”
“It entails drinking a fair bit of blood every day—you can skip days but I don’t recommend it—being thin and pale all the time and staying out of sunlight.”
“Aha!” Courfeyrac exclaimed, “I’ve seen you out during the day! Not often, I admit, but I have seen it.”
“But not in the sun. I can go out on cloudy days, or if it rains, if I wrap up well and don’t go far.” Courfeyrac ‘hmmd’ thoughtfully.
“And who made you?”
“My father.”
“Your father!”
“Yes,” Marius shuffled in his seat uncomfortably, “Do you remember when I said I went to visit my father and got there just after he died? That wasn’t quite true. When I got there, he was almost dead—decided to starve himself to death—but he made me drink the last of his blood before he went. Turned me into this.”
“And who turned him?”
“The Emperor.” Courfeyrac nearly fell off his chair.
“Napoleon Bonaparte turned your father into a vampire---Napoleon Bonaparte was a vampire!” Courfeyrac shook his head, “Wait until Enjolras hears this. He’s always suspected there was something not quite human about that man.”
“He was greater than human.” Marius replied, “He turned my father to save his life. I don’t know who turned him. But anyway, when my grandfather found out I was a ‘blood drinker’ he kicked me out.”
“So how do you survive?”
“I survive.”
“Do you kill?”
“No.” Marius said, “Killing isn’t strictly necessary. If you’re willing to be a little hungry all the time you can get by without it. Besides, I can’t bring myself to do it. The one time I ever tried I got scared and my selected victim wound up laughing at me and running off.”
“Well I couldn’t kill anyone either. Not innocent people, anyway.” Courfeyrac said to himself “And god knows I’m used to being a bit hungry. What about other people? Does anyone notice?”
“You didn’t.”
“Touche.” Courfeyrac said. “Everyone just thinks you’re strange. Are you immortal?”
“Baring accidents, as far as I know.”
“What about crosses? Are you weak to them?”
“They make me a bit…uncomfortable, but it’s no different that having a fear of heights.”
“Ah. Well, that’s fine, I don’t go to church anyway. Garlic?”
“Wouldn’t know. Never liked it.”
“Do you need and invitation to enter a building?”
“No, but it’s the polite thing to do.”
“Do you have the uncontrollable desire to count things?”
“What?”
“Vampires. In the myths I heard, if you strew straw in front of your door the vampire won’t be able to enter because he has the uncontrollable urge to count every one.” Marius stared at him.
“No.”
“Oh, good.” Courfeyrac clapped his hands together decisively, “Right, that’s settled then. Change me.”
Marius nearly choked on his tongue again.
“Do what to you?”
“Change me. Make me a vampire.” Marius said nothing, just stared at Courfeyrac with a stupid look on his face. What Marius is best at, Courfeyrac thought.
“Listen, do you have any idea how popular novels about vampires are? No matter how horrid and evil the authors make them, the girls just eat them up; they’re all dying—oh, sorry—to be romanced by a pale, thin, aristocrat who just might be able to kill them. That’s basically me!”
“You aren’t exactly thin, Courfeyrac.” Marius mumbled.
“But I could be! Imagine how I’d look, so dark and mysterious! I might even start using my particle again. Monsieur de Courfeyrac, the vampire, sounds so much more elegant than plain Courfeyrac, don’t you think?” Marius continued to stare at him.
“Are you mad?”
“Perhaps a little. No, Marius, I’m serious. Change me. It’ll be wonderful! And it would be wonderful for the revolution; imagine, having a soldier who can’t die. It’d be splendid! Come now, Marius, be a good friend, make me into a vampire.” Marius got up.
“Never,” he said, more intensely than Courfeyrac had ever heard him speak, “I wouldn’t wish this curse on anyone. Do you know what it’s like, never seeing the sun again, forced to kill to survived, or spend your time starving? Unable to connect with anyone because of your dark, dreadful secret? Feeling damned inside because there is perhaps no salvation for a killer. No, Courfeyrac, be glad you are alive. The girls love you as it is. I am not turning you into a vampire.”
Marius strode off towards his room. Instead of laying down on the mattress Courfeyrac had provided for him he turned his wardrobe on its side and lay down in it, falling asleep just as the sun rose.


When Marius awoke the next evening he heard shuffling around. Courfeyrac was still home. That was odd. He must be waiting for Marius to wake up so he could beg him to change him again.
Marius rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and went into the front room, prepared to tell Courfeyrac once and for all that the subject was closed, but what he found astonished him.
Courfeyrac was dressed entirely in black with a red waistcoat. His boots were polished to a shine, his hair pulled back in a ribbon—and was he wearing a ring? He looked paler than ever before, the few imperfections in his face smoothed out. And most troublingly, he smelt differently. He lacked that distinct smell that all humans had.
“Ah, good evening Marius—or good morning, as it were. Did you sleep well?” Courfeyrac said, adjusting his hair.
“Courfeyrac—have you done something?”
“No. Well, a bit. You wouldn’t turn me into a vampire, so I took matters into my own hands.” Marius’ mouth dropped open.
“You what!” Courfeyrac laughed.
“While you were asleep I went over to Joly’s house and borrowed one of his lancets. I drained a bit of blood from your neck and—here I am! I hope you don’t mind. If you do you shouldn’t have told me how it was done. Funny, I always thought it was more complicated that that.” Marius was too shocked to speak. Courfeyrac adjusted his hat in the mirror. “Well, I’m off, then. The dark prince of the night has many a pure innocent maiden to seduce. Don’t wait up.”
He tipped his hat to Marius and was off, whistling a tune as he went.
Rivers belong where they can ramble...

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Marianne
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Re: Vamparius

Postby Marianne » Mon Dec 20, 2010 8:25 am

Lulz. Lulz forever. The first part was brilliant but more deadpanning it and working itself up towards the punch line; THIS was giggle-inducing the whole way through, starting from "His best friend. ......his only friend." Awwww, Marius. And then on through the revisionist version of Col. Pontmercy's death, vampire!Napoleon (which is just begging for a historical AU fic about how he REALLY died on St Helena!), "blood drinker," Marius getting laughed at by his victims, the whole dialogue about vampire limitations, and VAMPIRE COURFEYRAC. Oh dear god. Vampire Courfeyrac doin' it for the laydeez.... through nonconsensual blood drinking!

*giggles forever*
[Dieu] entend ta voix, ô fille des hommes! aussi bien que celle des constellations; car rien n'est petit pour celui devant lequel rien n'est grand.
- George Sand, Les sept cordes de la lyre

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9430
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Re: Vamparius

Postby 9430 » Mon Dec 20, 2010 12:34 pm

SO MUCH WIN!

The last line of the first part was hilarious, and then the idea that Courfeyrac wanted to be a vampire for the ladies just cracked me up. I am very much looking forward to more!
aka Fiwen

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Cary
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Re: Vamparius

Postby Cary » Mon Dec 20, 2010 1:19 pm

I had a gigglefit when Marius revealed that Napoleon was a vampire, and couldn't go on for ages. :lol:

And this:

“Listen, do you have any idea how popular novels about vampires are? No matter how horrid and evil the authors make them, the girls just eat them up; they’re all dying—oh, sorry—to be romanced by a pale, thin, aristocrat who just might be able to kill them. That’s basically me!”
“You aren’t exactly thin, Courfeyrac.” Marius mumbled.


[imagines a chubby vampire!Courfeyrac]

[dies laughing]

:lol:

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Apocalyn87
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Re: Vamparius

Postby Apocalyn87 » Thu Dec 30, 2010 1:52 am

:mrgreen: I love this. I wonder what the other barricade boys have to say about this!

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Patria
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Re: Vamparius

Postby Patria » Sat Jan 01, 2011 6:12 pm

Oooooh my goodness. This is really hysterical. I do look forward to seeing where it goes.
"Would you like my hat?"

Awesome icon by Hannah.

The Victoriana
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Re: Vamparius

Postby The Victoriana » Fri Jan 21, 2011 4:40 am

That was great. I love the humor! The idea of a vampire Courfeyrac is pretty hot actually... (just kidding). Please continue with this! Will Courfeyrac go infect some poor girls (or barricade boys) now?

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Rose1836
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Re: Vamparius

Postby Rose1836 » Wed Dec 26, 2012 7:04 pm

I really liked it! :lol:

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meow139
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Re: Vamparius

Postby meow139 » Tue Jul 02, 2013 7:16 pm

I would sell my soul for an update, seriously. Vampire Courfeyrac... YES.
I change barricade boyfriends by the day.


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